Open Your Eyes

iamonlydorb:

sucysucyfivedolla:

the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg

oh no I’m not falling for this one again

idk if you guys have realized this but david karp basically gave us up for adoption.

(Source: ihave1erection)

So I was driving along with my best friend in the passenger seat next to me. Suddenly the car in front of me skidded on ice and I had to emergency brake. Before I knew it my hand was across my friend to stop her from flying forwards She looked at me and told me she couldn’t believe that my first thought would be to save her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, as a pizza delivery driver, I have developed a reflex action to stop the pizzas flying off the seat whenever I emergency brake.

(Source: laughingisbetter)

dieceased:

remember that one time you called your teacher mom

it started out with a click

how did it end up like this

(Source: wickedinthemix)

buck-barnes:

i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run it’s course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”

(Source: joan-watson)

thefandommenace:

I just want a fruit salad that isn’t 98% of these fucking things 

bepeu:

what i learned in high school

• you can pass some classes by being friends with the teacher 
• there is more than one kind of cool
• if you write just random things on some homework then you may still get some point but the teacher will pull you aside because she is worried about you
• not all food is edible
• who cares